Going On That All Important First Date

First Impression? Darn Right Critical!

First Contact After an Online Romance

In making approaches in public places, remember that you almost never get more than you are willing to give. Instead of dropping questions that provoke limited responses such as yes or no, reveal something positive that stimulates further conversation.

Don't start talking if you have nothing to say, this can be perceived as blabbing.

Separate casual friendliness from cold aloofness.

If there's not a spark, know when to quit. Passive rejection is better than active failure, and a lot less waste of time.

Use the environment to engage conversation or interests.

Make eye contact, but don't stare. It's just not polite... :)

Failure is the biggest intimidation but you learn from mistakes so the next time might be a tad more smooth.

Use the moment, don't lose it. Too often a magical moment is lost because you're standing in the doorway headed out while the person of your dreams walks in. That's when you need to go back in - to use the restroom, make a phone call, or perhaps even profess an interest.

The Objective is exploration - of each other!
Why be unrealistic? The odds of your finding your cosmic half in twenty seconds flat are slim to none. The agenda is whether you want to see a person again. Keep that one in mind.

Say Cheese - or at least "think" cheesey like.
Being a cheerful, smiling date increases your odds. Be positive, it's the best impression you can make. Even a silly smile is better than being stiff or uncomfortably serious and. Jonathon, a 39-year-old lawyer recollects how he smiled pretty constantly when he first met his wife Liberty. "He had such a goofy look on his face, I thought he might have been gay," says 29-year-old Liberty. "Still, it helped break the ice and as I now know, he of course isn't gay."

Casual Conversation Cues
Keep it light. Keep it snappy. Keep it easy. And Lighten up. Humor keeps them coming back but it has to be natural and spontaneous. If you can't be funny, don't be cheesy.

Subtle Gold Digging Mentality
A good way to obliterate chances on a first date, it is by 'casually' talking finance. Men and women alike can see through even subtle probes on such matters. Not only is such talk in bad taste, it's also presumptuous and tacky.

Chill with the Heavy Stuff
Commitment and money aside, there's still plenty of stuff you say that will raise the flag. Religion, politics or one's general stance on 'issues', for instance. Besides, a first meeting is not the place to let on about the chronic bulimia you've so bravely overcome.

Covering That Tab
You're supposed to cover your half of the bill. That's a ground rule set in stone, unless you and your date have decided otherwise, prior to the evening. In these emancipated times, women sometimes find it offensive that you should cover their half as well, so play it by ear. Everyone notices a lousy tipper. However, everyone notices lousy wait staff too, so be judicious.

Body Lingo
One sure-fire sign, that a date isn't interested, is when he/she doesn't maintain eye contact or keeps looking at the time and acting figity.

Share your enjoyment - or lack thereof.
You are at your most desirable when you've admitted your date is. If you enjoyed yourself, makes sure you say as much to your date. And follow that up pronto with an offer to go someplace again. If things haven't worked out, keep a cheerful exterior and say you had a good time anyway. Then, duck out if future dates. Excuses are a dime a dozen.

Go With Your Gut
The truth is, sometimes the hard-and-fast rules about dating don't kick in These are only general theories that seemed to have worked well for the majority. If you choose to be that rare exception to the rule, and wish to throw caution to the wind, do so cautiously. Many have done so before you, and with great success.

Things to Keep in Mind!

Real love is born of honesty with oneself, honesty with another. This feeling, backed up by saying the words I love you is an awesome, powerful human connection and affirmation, and has positive lasting, ongoing effects on you and your partner.

INFATUATION IS NOT LOVE! Real love has nothing to do with infatuation or obsession. The latter two are in the realm of imagination and fantasy.

Infatuation is a giddy, airy desire to feel love and to manifest it into a contrived reality by imagination. Our brain, so the experts say, is our most sensual organ. When in a state of infatuation or obsessive behavior, by continually thinking ourselves into love or being in love, we sometimes come to believe we are.

Having love for my Blahnik sandals, my Chanel handbag, the occasional BeBe T-shirt or my Gucci shades has not sent me over any emotional cliff to the sharp rocks below, or made me a blithering wet noodle crying incessantly in the bathroom over unrequited love.

Being unnaturally obsessed and in love and thinking I love Mr. B (not his real name) has, however, almost wrecked me in spirit almost made me manic from dark, unhealthy, obsessive thinking and behavior and has caused me immeasurable pain and anger, and resulted in me experiencing absolute self-dejection and overwrought crying jags in strange bathroom stalls and in my car on the freeway, and has elicited nonstop, irrational inner conversations with Mr. B and between Mr. B and myself. No fun. Not good. And in no way healthy and self-empowering

What's love got to do with my obsession with Mr. B?

What's love got to do with my self-derailment from positive self-esteem and healthy choices and actions? Nothing.

I know this. I just haven't gotten my broken heart to agree with my brain, struggling as it is to keep me on some firm footing.

I cling to my erroneously misguided heart's desire to feel love for this man who shows absolutely no inclination to love me or be in love with me.

Feelings of passion and infatuation affect us like some drugs do. We feel beautiful, sexy, interesting and loved. We get rushes of adrenaline every time we replay a passionate scenario in our mind.

The thumping heart, the fluttering in the stomach, the emotional intensity. During the initial stages of a relationship we don't have to eat or sleep. We forget our pain, our sadness, our work, stress and responsibility. Special hormones race through our veins, and we are on top of the world. We are consumed by well being.

On a more insidious level, this wonderful intoxicant called passion can taint our judgment and warp our sanity. In the name of passion, we may make decisions that are not in our own best interest.

During the highly passionate infatuation stages of a relationship, we are blind to our partner's faults.

We may not see that we are hurting someone else, and we certainly don't foresee a comparatively stale future.

We never forget the ecstatic delight of passion and infatuation. We read books and watch movies of poignant love stories that temporarily twang the same chords that our own passionate affairs once plucked.

The rush of passion is deliciously inviting. Our romantic selves insist that if we were wrapping our arms (or legs) around some mysterious, flirtatious and beautiful stranger (or acquaintance), that we could live a life of romantic bliss.

Or maybe we don't see that far ahead, and we just seek that immediate fix, that delectable taste of passion, and the euphoria that accompanies it. Strange men and women flatter us, make us feel young again, and faint stirrings of passion tickle our loins.

We feel that our old-shoe mate doesn't have the spark that once ignited such hot passion. We may feel that there is something wrong with us, that we aren't sexy or as desirable as we once were.

Or we may think that something is wrong with our partner, that s/he doesn't pay us the same attention, throw us the same encouraging glances, sneak us the odd sly wink — all those little things that would once send us over the edge — and into the bedroom.

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